Life after Catherine's passing

Hello everyone,
    
    After my daughter Catherine went home to be with the Lord in November, I needed to do something to help me deal with the emptiness that it left in my life. Taking care of her took so much of my time (which I didn't mind, because I loved her a lot) that now I almost don't know what to do with myself, so I started turning her room into my sewing room (pictures below are of the progress).  I still have two special needs children (adults now) at home that I take care of, but they don't have all the medical needs that Catherine had. 
    Losing her was the worst part, but with her passing I also lost most of my income because I was her IHSS worker.  I still have a few hours with my other two girls but not enough.  Our income was cut almost $4000.00 a month in a matter of one day.  My other two girls are Autistic and were denied their DAC by Social Security so we had to get a lawyer and file for a hearing.  In order for me to find a job away from home I am limited to the hours I can work which is from 3:00 a.m. to 11:30 a.m. since I don't drive (right now...long story) because my husband goes to work from 12:30 p.m. to 9:30 p.m. (up to 1:30 a.m.) and I have to be home with my other two girls.  I am praying that doors are opened for me to earn money from home.
    When you lose someone you love it's easier to think about all the things that need to be taken care so you don't feel the pain that it left (at least for me).  I still find myself thinking about doing things or not being able to do things with Cat (Catherine's nickname) or seeing something that she would love to have, watch or listen too.  I miss her and when I think of her now I smile more than I cry because now she is able to walk, run, dance, talk and so many other things she couldn't do on this earth.
  

Have a Blessed day and thanks for visiting
Vickie

Hello everyone.
      You may be asking where did the blog name come from, why Zebiesmom?
That's a good question thanks for asking (lol).  When my youngest daughter Sonja was between 8 to 10 her dad had been exposed to chemicals at work and had to go to a doctor in L.A.  There was a pharmacy in the building and we went to look to see all the cute things they had. There was a small zebra that she really wanted so we got it for her, and she named it Zebie.  It became part of the family, she took it everywhere.  During a time when Sonja had problems communicating what she wanted she would use Zebie as her voice.  For example instead of telling me she was thirsty, she would hold Zebie up and say mom Zebie's thirsty.  So after a few years of this you guessed it, I became Zebiesmom and it's stuck ever since.  Sonja is 19 now she still has Zebie and to this day still she sleeps with her every day.  If I have to give Zebie a bath (in the washing machine) I have to make sure she is done that day because Sonja has trouble sleeping with out her.  Sonja has other zebra's but they are not as special to her as Zebie.
      When you have children with autism you learn to live in a different way.  For me it really taught me how to see the world from my both my daughters point of view.  Having two daughters with autism also taught me that no two are alike, even if they share some of the same problems.  How they cope is so different from each other, what works with one doesn't work with the other.  What work last year or even five minutes ago may not work now.  Life can be a real adventure with them and I never stop learning.
     Now for venting.  A few months ago while Sonja and Catherine (who had a lot of medical needs and who past away in November) were still in public school on medical home schooling we had an IEP for them.  The new special education district person was there (I not giving her name), she had the nerve to tell us that we (Catherine's father and I) should put Sonja and Catherine into a group home because they were such a burden to us.  Trust me when I tell you that it took God to hold me back from jumping over the table to choke her.  I don't think I have ever been so angry.  I may not of given birth to Catherine and only been her mother from 2008 but to me she was just as much my daughter as Sonja, Freya, and Natasha are.  Sonja and Catherine were never a burden to us.  I'm not saying that anyone who has put there children in a group home did the wrong thing, that is a very hard choice to make and for some it's the right thing to do.  For us it was not and I am so glad that God has given us the grace to keep our children at home, because just about two months later Catherine went home to be with the Lord.  So we were able to be with her and she was with the people who loved her the most on this earth until the very end.  Ok enough venting, but just one piece of advice if you have special needs children don't let anyone tell you what they think you should do, unless your asking for what they think.  Remember they are not in your shoes and even with my special needs children I'm not in your shoes. Follow your heart and try not to feel guilty for what ever decision(s) you make.

Have a Blessed day.

Zebiesmom (Vickie)

P.S.  I hit something on my keyboard, I thought I lost this post and was going to have to start over.  Thank God it was saved in the draft section.  That was a close call (LOL)